Tonight I had the first support group meeting since starting this journey. After leading many support groups over the years, it felt different going to one needing so much. I did have a bit of anxiety.

I walked into the building and sat down on the couch. There was a lady already there. I’ll call her Louanne (protecting names). She was bald and had her head resting back on the couch. She looked over at me and said, “Are you here for the support group?” I said, “Yes.” She got up and walked over to me and said, “You’re our sister now. You’re not alone.” I lost it. Fully. Big tears flowing as she wrapped her arms around me. Someone who knew EXACTLY what I was going through at the moment. I said, “You can always tell the new ones, huh?” She said, “Yep!”

She sat down and encouraged me for a few minutes before the meeting. She introduced herself and told me that she was terminal. It was at that moment I was in shock. I am not sure I have ever spoken to a terminally ill patient before. Louanne was dealing with her second bout of breast cancer and the chemo was basically just extending the inevitable. I don’t think I will ever be the same after talking with her. She spoke about thanking God for every day she woke up and realizing the end is not yet, she has time (the doctors are saying 5-12 months).

I also met another girl the same age as me in the group who has small children. For sake of protecting names, I’ll call her Kay. She’s more towards the end of her treatment and has so much insight to share about what to expect on this journey.

All of us shared tears, laughter, and our personal stories. And at the end we held hands and prayed.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that touches your heart more than joining hands with other women who have walked this journey. Such hope, courage, and strength these women had. For one, she’s learning how to say goodbye to this world grasping each moment and living in it fully. For the other, it’s discovering life now with a different body and what does normal mean now?

God is showing me so much, and I know every day I will come in contact with more people. He’s really changing my heart in this process and how I see others. I’m glad I’m documenting in a place that maybe someone new starting this journey can go back and read my words and it will give strength and hope to them.

I do know I am looking at life through a new set of eyes. Nothing will ever be the same again. Nothing will be just ‘normal’ again. For some that may sound scary, but I’m finding that living in the moment is key. Anytime I try to jump outside of the very moment I’m in, things become huge and almost unbearable. The minute I focus down to where I am at right now, who I am with right now….things start to become clear and I know what I’m supposed to do. I’m learning trust, and not just a little – a whole lot – literally laying my life in the hands of God and trusting Him with it. The minute I try to control my outcome, that’s when it starts to fall apart.