I guess it depends on what the person needs who is going through the situation. Some people would prefer people keep their distance and let them go through this without much bother, and others need people. I can only speak for myself and say, “I NEED PEOPLE!” I am an extrovert, so I draw my energy and strength by people being close to me….it’s how I recharge. I very quickly get depressed when I’m sitting in my house sick all week and life continues around me and I feel forgotten (I know I’m not forgotten, but it can feel that way quickly).
So you may be reading this and think, What do I say? What can I do? So I thought I’d post the things that have meant the most to me during this time and maybe it can help you when you come in contact with people dealing with crisis in their life (a loss, illness, or other situation where they need support and care):
- Cards, emails, and letters. I cannot tell you the number of times I have had a really rough day, and have cried buckets and I will walk (or drive) to the mailbox and there be a card with the sweetest encouragement inside. It means the WORLD to me! I love that some people are even sending cards on a regular basis, it really means so much and I save all of them!
- Visits. I love when people come to visit for a few hours and just sit with me. I feel like I can think about someone else other than myself and I so enjoy the company! Sometimes you don’t even have to say anything, just sitting with someone is enough and brings comfort.
- Food. Chemo week is SO tough, and it’s hard for me not being able to cook and take care of my family, so when you bring a meal for my family (even though I may not be able to eat it or enjoy it as much as I’d like), it means so much to know that my family is getting a hot, homecooked meal!
- Help with house cleaning and grocery shopping. This is something I always feel guilty about not being able to get done and I can’t bring myself to ask for help, so when you call or text and say “what day can I come?” I so appreciate it! Grocery shopping wears me OUT and just having someone there to push the cart and get everything loaded and unloaded is huge! (Plus I enjoy the adult conversation)
- Girl’s Night Out. Distractions are the greatest! Whether it’s a game of bingo (for me!) or a dinner out somewhere or just going and doing something fun, distraction helps get your mind off what you’re going through and you have some laughter (which is the best medicine!)
If you know someone who is living with an illness, I think knowing their personality and love language is the first step. For some people, it may not be acts of service (like it is for me) but just talking and having a word of encouragement is all they need. Most people will not ask for help so saying, “Let me know if you need anything” is very sweet and kind but offering specific items and asking questions directly is the best. Don’t be afraid that you are bothering that person, they can say ‘no’ if nothing is needed.
Also, another key thing is remember when a person is first diagnosed, that’s when everyone flocks to them and it’s very noisy and there is a lot of attention. But that does die down, people go back to their lives and things get very quiet for that person. That’s the time to step up and check in and make sure they are still getting the level of care and help they need! With cancer, there is more than treatment. There is surgery and recovery, there is a whole emotional and mental side that needs attention and care (and prayer) as well. Then when everything is finished, it’s not ever done for that person. Then they have to find a new ‘normal,’ and it’s still a very hard time and they need lots of support.
I’m not blogging any of this because I’m lacking, because everyone has been so awesome and wonderful and I’ve had more than enough help! But maybe for those who just have NO idea what to do, or you know another person struggling, maybe this can help you reach out to them!
I love you all!